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Yes, the NFL season is only a week old, but there are some trends that are worth noticing. For instance, while half the league is 0-1, there were a few teams that stood out because of their ineptitude. The three that immediately come to mind are the Cincinnati Bengals, the Oakland Raiders and the St Louis Rams.

All three were horrendous in their debut games, so much so, they eclipsed teams like Kansas City, who looked good on defense even before Brady went down; the Miami Dolphins, who, despite not winning, looked much improved over last season and the Detroit Lions, who got creamed by the Falcons but were still capable of scoring the football, something the other three could not do.

In fact, the three teams in the above image were so bad on opening week, they honestly looked like they were fighting each other for the “worst team in the NFL” award. But who gets it out of the three?

Let’s take a closer look:

Cincinnati Bengals
How bad was their performance against offensively-challenged Baltimore? So bad, some are suggesting the season might already be over for the Bengals (via Cincy Jungle). To wit, the Bengals were facing a rookie quarterback, a rookie running back and a rookie head coach and got dominated on both sides of the ball. Carson “I’m Being Completely Wasted By Mike Brown” Palmer couldn’t even break the century mark for passing yards. In four quarters of football.

T.J. Houshmandzadeh summed it up more succinctly: “The defense played great. The offense sucks.” However, when you take a closer look at the defense — no sacks, interceptions, or any kind of ability to stop the run (Baltimore rushed for 229 as a team) — you see it wasn’t too great after all. They just played better than the over-hyped offense.

Speaking of offense, please let me know when Chad “Don’t Call Me Johnson” Ocho Cinco decides to actually contribute something of value to the team other than distractions. It will be the first time in a while.

Oakland Raiders
Apparently, it’s a long road back to respectability, no matter how many quality running backs you have. The Raiders were absolutely trounced by the Broncos last night, 41-14. For example, it was 27-0 in the fourth quarter before the Raiders scored a touchdown. After which, they gave up two more touchdowns to Denver before scoring their meaningless second touchdown with a minute and change left in the game.

On defense, the Raider big offseason acquisition, DeAngelo Hall, was absolutely abused by rookie receiver Eddie Royal who caught nine balls for 149 yards and a touchdown. During one drive, Royal was abusing Hall so badly, Hall picked up not one, but two personal foul penalties. That’ll teach the rookie to show up a veteran defensive back, right? Yeah, not so much.

Jerry McDonald has more on Oakland’s ineptitude:

It was an egg so rotten it drove most of the sellout crowd to their cars midway through the fourth quarter, with the boos sounding a lot like the ones the Raiders have heard from the disgruntled home folks for the past few years.

You want to resist saying, “here we go again,” and some of the Raiders still around when the locker room opened up looked ahead to better days. Coach Lane Kiffin said he was disappointed, used common sense in declining to revisit the roster issue and said coaching was as much to blame as anything else.

St Louis Rams
So much for a return of the greatest show on turf. At this point, I think Ram fans would simply settle for a few sustained drives and maybe even a touchdown or two. Unfortunately, after Sunday, it looks like even those meager requests are asking too much of a team who, before the season started, looked like they could battle their way back to respectability. Now it looks like they will be struggling to improve on last year’s three win total, with our without their previous injury issues.

Here are some numbers from their opening debacle against the resurgent Eagles: 0-11 on third down, 2.4 yards per rush (with a healthy Steven Jackson), and only eight first downs to Philadelphia’s 28; and no, that’s not a typo either. Adding insult to severe beatdown, Tori Holt, the only bright spot for last year’s team, had only one catch for nine whopping yards — and no, he was not injured either.

If you need further example of how bad things are in the Rams part of town, over at STLtoday, there’s already a poll asking if the players have already quit on coach Scott Linehan. After the first game of the season! To make matters even worse, 82% of the voters said yes. Apparently, the fans aren’t too pleased with the product they saw on Sunday, and honestly, who can blame them?

Worst of the Worst
From my perspective, it’s hard not to list St Louis as the worst team in the NFL, especially after the pathetic showing against the Eagles. It’s one thing to get beat, it’s entirely another thing to get outplayed and not care.

As for the Bengals, Mike Brown has his fingerprints all over this mess, one that will probably see Marvin Lewis looking for work at the end of the season. Taking back Chris Henry instead of resigning Houshmandzadeh, even after Lewis said in no uncertain terms he didn’t want Henry back on his team? That’s a sign of unadulterated brilliance if there ever was one.

At least the Raiders can lean on the “we’re a young team” explanation for a season or two. What’s Cincinnati’s excuse? How about the Rams? How do these two teams excuse their embarrassing play?

While we don’t know who will win the Super Bowl yet, it’s pretty obvious — at least after the first week — which teams will be fighting for the overall top pick in next year’s draft.

Tags: Cincinnati Bengals, NFL Draft, Oakland Raiders, St Louis Rams, Super Bowl, Worst Team

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