A Real Man’s Guide to Scoring on Valentine’s Day

February 12th, 2008 at 10:24 am
By Chris

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Are you dreading Valentine’s Day as much as I am? Well, mostly I dread figuring out what gifts she’ll love me for. This year, I took time, did my research and covered all my bases…

I know most of you are probably struggling with the “what to get her” question too. From one sports fan to another, here is the perfect Valentine’s Day Guide. Feel free to use these ideas as your own (I have linked the images to make your quest for love easier).

Flowers

Flowers
You can’t show up at her door without a bouquet, right? Look what DelightfulDeliveries recommends.

It’s like they are reading your mind, right?

Card

A Romantic Card
Of course, with every bouquet of flowers, a card is customary.

And hey, it’s a great way to express what you’re feeling without having to think of something to say yourself.

Dinner
She’s expecting dinner, right? What better way to show her you care than a special trip to your local ESPN Zone? She’ll feel right at home with all the background commentary, just like they do:

ESPN Zone

Patriots Jewelry

Jewelry
Jewelry is one of the most coveted of all Valentine’s Day gifts. Nothing says “I love you” like a Championship Ring celebrating your favorite team. Just be sure to make it extra special by dropping it in her beer mug for her to find.

 

By now, she should be silly putty in your hands, but there’s no reason to stop there. Continue the Valentine’s onslaught with these gems and she’ll never leave your side:

 

Football Berries

Candy
Women love Valentine’s candy, especially chocolate. I’m saving these for desert. Imagine how much she’ll enjoy being fed these luscious chocolate covered strawberries.

Lingerie
Of course, our gift comes when she models her new lingerie. I think I found something that really sets the mood. If Cheese bras don’t get you going for sex, you aren’t trying hard enough. And neither is she.

Cheese Bra

 

Chiefs Bed

Splitting the Uprights
Alright, it’s time for some lovin’. Because it’s Valentine’s Day, you’ll want to show her your love knows no bounds. Instead of going for it on the couch, carry her to your room and christen the new sheets, bought especially for the occasion.

Imagine the tawdry activities you come up with in that love nest.

So there you have it; the most perfect Valentine’s Day gift package ever conceived. Forget trips to the spa, gaudy tennis bracelets and uninspired boxes of chocolates. If you are looking for a direct path to her heart, make sure the gifts come from yours. ;)

Ballhype: hype it up! Stumble it!

4 Responses to “A Real Man’s Guide to Scoring on Valentine’s Day”

  1. David Utter Says:

    I think this post just hit a bunch of divorce lawyer mailing lists, under the heading “Slam Dunk settlement.”

  2. Chris Says:

    Divorce would be the easy way out of this little debacle.

  3. Shelby Says:

    Oh no, he wouldn’t get off that easy!

  4. Flowers or chocolates? : The Good Egg Gazette Says:

    [...] is the perfect Valentine’s Day gift guide. Ladies, you’re [...]

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